


terms and conditions

by noyabeans (snowdrops)



Series: writing with snowdrops (saso 2017) [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, M/M, Mistaken Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 13:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11358705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowdrops/pseuds/noyabeans
Summary: Yaku arrests Kuroo in a case of mistaken identity and Kuroo insists on a date in recompense.





	terms and conditions

**Author's Note:**

> fill for **saso 2017 bonus round 1: alternate universes**.  
>  original prompt is [here](https://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/21522.html?thread=10008082#cmt10008082).

“Hiroo Kouji,” Yaku said, eyeing the man sitting in front of him and comparing it to the mugshot in his file. Same disastrous bedhead - even worse in person, actually; it looked like a chicken had made its home in the guy’s hair, which was spiked up wildly everywhere. Guess he hadn’t bothered to comb it before setting out on his petty crime spree of the day. “We’ve been searching for you for a long time.”

“I’m telling you, that’s not my name!” Hiroo said, eyes narrowing as he raked his uncuffed hand through the nest atop his head. “Dude, seriously! I don’t know who this Hiroo Kouji you’re talking about is!”

Yaku felt a vein throb in his forehead. It was the third time that Hiroo had denied being Hiroo - seriously, who did he think he was? As if anyone could mistake that godawful hair. That was just like telling Yaku that there was more than _one_ person who felt that this hairstyle was nice. Impossible. It wasn’t even in season anymore - did he think he was one of those emo punks from the 2000’s?

“You might not know your own name, but the records sure do,” he snarled. He was just waiting for Kai to come back with the fingerprint results, then he could wash his hands off of this case and hand it over to someone else. It had been hours since they arrested him, and he didn’t think he could stand being in the presence of this obnoxious man any longer than he already had.

Hiroo fell quiet for a bit - eyes raking over Yaku. He resisted the urge to fidget, suddenly wondering why it felt like he was the one being observed instead of the other way around, and opted to stare at the other squarely in the eye.

“You’d be really cute if you weren’t so angry, officer-kun,” Hiroo said. Much to his annoyance, Yaku felt his entire face heat up.

“Nobody asked for your opinion,” he snapped. “If you think complimenting my looks is going to help you get out of this, you can dream on.”

Hiroo sighed, tugging forlornly at the cuffs that were holding him to the chair. “Look, officer-kun, how about we make a deal?”

“Are you trying to bribe me? No.” This guy just didn’t know the meaning of accepting defeat, did he?

“No!” Hiroo exclaimed, his voice reverberating in the sparsely-arranged room. “I’m not going to bribe you, I’m a man of honour. I don’t believe in bribery.”

Yaku scoffed at that - seriously? Was he saying that with a straight face? “No man of honour would steal watches and jewellery from a pawn shop, Hiroo-san.”

“Oh, so that’s what he did,” Hiroo said, tapping his fingers against his chin. “I was wondering when you’d tell me what crimes he’d done.”

“Stop trying to pretend you don’t know anything,” Yaku groaned. He had just about enough of this guy’s nonsense already.

“I don’t!” Hiroo protested, looking more and more flustered by the moment. “I have no idea who Hiroo Kouji is, and I have no idea why I’m sitting here in front of a very cute but very fierce inspector.”

Yaku ignored him.

“Anyway, as I was saying, officer-kun. If your arrest turns out to be a case of misidentity - which it is, by the way - you’ll let me go and go out with me.”

In the span of the five seconds that it took for Hiroo’s words to process, Yaku was sure his expression showed exactly how ridiculous that request was. Number one, there was no way that he’d get the wrong guy. Not with a hairstyle like that. Number two, this guy was even more frustrating to talk to than Bokuto on a good day. No way in hell was he going out on a date with him. Never mind that he was pretty good looking, once you got past the hair.

“Does this seem funny to you?” he growled, slamming a fist on the table. Hiroo jerked, startled by the sudden movement. “Who do you think you are, trying to play with the system? A crime’s a crime, own up to it and you might even get a lesser sentence.”

Hiroo let out another loud and anguished sound of frustration. “You’re- seriously. Just agree to that, won’t you? If I really am Hiroo, you can do whatever you like to me.”

Yaku glared at him again, because that was certainly an innuendo Hiroo had used. The cheek of some people. Well, two could play at this game.

“Fine,” he said. “But there’s no way I could have gotten the wrong person.”

He was sure that that was a smile dancing on the corners of Hiroo’s lips.

* * *

Hiroo was silent after that, for the most part. It was with great relief that Yaku finally let Kai in, because the end of his misery was finally in sight.

“Yaku,” Kai said, waving him over to the heavy metal door he’d just entered by. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“What is it?” His patience was growing short; Yaku wanted nothing more than to just hand this case over already.

Kai’s eyes flickered over the top of Yaku’s head to glance at where Hiroo was sitting, before refocusing on Yaku. “He’s not Hiroo.”

“ _What_? Then who’s Hiroo? You mean there’s someone with hair as bad as Hiroo’s who _isn’t_ Hiroo?”

“Officer-kun, I can hear you insulting my hair,” Not-Hiroo said, sounding mildly offended. Yaku hadn’t even realised that his voice was raising in volume.

“This guy’s Kuroo Tetsurou, a chemist working at the Nekoma pharmacy. See,” Kai pulled out a separate file labelled _Kuroo Tetsurou_. The face of Not-Hiroo stared back at Yaku. “Hiroo’s slightly shorter than him, but it’s no wonder we got them mixed up. Without a visual comparison it’s easy to mistake one for the other.”

Yaku groaned. “Oh _god_.”

“Is my offer really that bad, Officer-kun?”

“Stop eavesdropping on official discussions,” Yaku snapped. Kai raised an eyebrow in wordless question, and Yaku groaned again.

“He made me agree to go out with him if he was proven innocent. Seriously, who does that?!”

Kai looked nonplussed, as usual. In fact, he didn’t even look vaguely concerned. On the contrary, he said, “That sounds like a good idea. You’ve been working too many hours recently. A break would do you good. I'll tell Chief Nekomata for you.”

“K- _Kai_!”

“I’ll make arrangements for Kuroo’s release, and you can go get ready for your afternoon off,” Kai said, nodding once to not-Hiroo. “Sorry about the mix-up, Kuroo-san. You really look like our suspect.”

“Ah, it’s no problem,” not-Hiroo said. Yaku buried his face in his palms. “I managed to score a cute date, anyway, so it’s not a loss at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> [mild manga spoiler] this is [hiroo kouji](https://68.media.tumblr.com/4560b00f6176d4618aaaf664164935e4/tumblr_oehbjo25Ed1uopq2lo1_540.jpg).
> 
> in case you missed it: **kuroyaku weekend is taking place this august, from august 11 to 14!**  
>  click [here](https://kuroyakuweek.tumblr.com/post/161900841451/kuroyaku-weekend-2017) for more details.
> 
> [tumblr (rielity)](https://rielity.tumblr.com/) | [twitter (noyabeans)](https://twitter.com/noyabeans) | [haikyuu writing journal](https://noyabeans.dreamwidth.org/)


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